Monday, December 22, 2008
m. been a while..
so a LOT of things've changed. lol... umm.... jack's wack and we haven't spoken much in the past 2 months er so (thank heavens) although he still writes me songs (i'll have to post our "ending it" conversation pretty soon, er MY ending-it conversation). Jason's home :D! and everything's great!! um tyler's supposedly bought me "all my Christmas presents" and .. ugh idk. he's so boringgggg. but see now that kinda puts ME in a bad position bc now its like i should get him a little somethin too and i definitely dont have the money or desire really. so yea. i just wish i could speed up my life to when i'm starting college. that would make things a LOT better. my phone's broken- the screen's all static. i'm still not POSITIVE ab state alTHOUGH i was playin scrabble the other day and the first letters i put down on my little piece of wood was "u" then "s" in front of it, then "m" in front of that. haha pretty cool huh. but i'm still not convinced. idk. i reeeeeally need to get back in the groove of what was my life. idk. i wanna be where i was this summer... i was so on-track and things were going so well. ha i found some old "elias-notes" the other day while i was cleanin. threw them all away. it felt nice. oh and andrew's dating some girl. yep. and i'm worried ab my parent's getting this computer cleaned and finding out ab facebook. there's just so much i'd like to change ab my life. and i havent even STARTED shopping for Christmas, even though it's like 3 days away. yea. its good. but anyway... hm wow well i guess that's the high points of my life... and i know i dont wanna wish my life away, but... things just kinda suck right now. so... i want it to get good and better.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
more jack lol
oh andrea i miss you soooooooooooooo much lol...wow today was amazing to talk to you oh my gosh i could seriously talk to you for the rest of my life haha...seriously i got a serious case of the butterflies talking to you today dont pick on me haha....your are wonderful andrea everytime i think of you i smile :-)....you know whats weird...the way my mom and dad met...my dad was from nc and my mom was from missippi...isnt that crazy haha...im not saying we are getting married tomm haha....but i can say that on safe terms that we are talking...i hope my parents go to missippi next week i really want to see you...andrea you are the most amazing girl...i mean im lucky 2 be the guy that you like...i know you listed all of those sweet reasons...but i still cant figure it out haha...i got so much in my head right now....i just want to take you to the most romantic place in missippi and sweep you off your feet..and us laugh at each others jokes....and lay down in the grass and look at gods creation.....i want to make you the happiest girl in the world :-)...and i know it seems like im moving 2 fast but i have never liked anyone like i like you right now....uhhhhhhhh jack your such a dork...andreas prob gonna be like UHHH WEIRDO ALERT WEIRDO ALERT.hahah...gah i sure hope not lol...your personality is what makes you beutiful andrea...espeacually your relationship with god....im glad that you keep god first....i mean wow what are the chances that i could meet a girl like you....please just wait for me andrea...please lol...but you have a good day at school and i will talk to you tomm okay sweetheart :-)...i miss you...please dont forget about me lol.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
unbelievable.
5:07pmAndrea so you didnt sound like your voicemail yesterday..lol
5:08pmJack well i was nervous lol
5:08pmAndrea lol whyy?you talk to me all the time lol
5:08pmJack not like voice talking lol
5:09pmAndrea voice talking lol
5:09pmJack i was afriad to make a fool out of myself and i did lol
5:09pmAndrea you sounded like a different person and no you didnt
5:09pmJack yes talking on the phone silly lolyessssssssss i did
5:09pmAndrea you were kinda out there lol but you didnt make a fool of yourself lol..i meant you sounded like a completely different person than your voice mail(which was funny by the way..your voicemail hah)
5:10pmJack well it was suppose to sound diffi was out there huh:-(
5:10pmAndrea no not like thaaatcmon cheer up
5:11pmJack but i was out there
5:11pmAndrea i'm just sayin you were pretty darn random lol but its cool. it was funny hah
5:11pmJack ohhhhhhhhhh im from another galaxy
5:11pmAndrea right lolso what did you think about ME? now that we've criticized you....my turn. lol
5:12pmJack so how about them boston celtics winning the championship loli mean they were awesome
5:13pmAndrea ughghhh. stop avoiding melolwhat? did i sound THAT bad?
5:13pmJack noooooooo loli mean you sounded wonderful haits just me.....
5:14pmAndrea brbdont leave
5:14pmJack yes ma'mm
5:15pmAndrea hey can you be on here in like...45 min ?they're callin me to go eat.but this is not over lol.i wanna know why you hesitated to tell me what you thought lol...
5:16pmJack okay lolits not you andrea its me loli swear
5:16pmAndrea oh hush thats such a lineloland whats wrong w/ you?
5:16pmJack no im serious
5:16pmAndrea whaddya mean its you?
5:17pmJack i mean i made mysef sound like an idoit yesterdayand i dont want to be like why the crap did i like this guy
5:17pmAndrea lol oh whatveryou did not.but hey can you be on later?
5:18pmJack yesssss andrea when am i not on lol
5:18pmAndrea when you're freakin internet is freakin down lolmkay well i'll talk to you in a bit :)bye jack. and stop worrying.
5:18pmJack its hard not 2 lol
5:57pmAndrea Jack is no longer online. The following was not sent:i'm back (send as a message)5:59pmJack is online.
5:59pmAndrea Jack is no longer online. The following was not sent:i'm backkk (send as a message)
6:00pmJack is online.
6:01pmAndreaJack is no longer online. The following was not sent:i'm backkk (send as a message)
6:01pmJack is online.
6:01pmAndreaJack is no longer online. The following was not sent:i'm back (send as a message)
Andrea
you're so confuuuusing lol
and i wont even get to talk to you tomorrow... :(
or the next day...
6:51pmJack
well maybe thats a good thing for you since you think our relastionship is so weir
d
6:51pmAndrea
well dont you agree?????
this isnt normally how you meet someone you potentially care ab
6:52pmJack
well then if its so weird 2 you
why are you talking to me andrea
6:52pmAndrea
do you WANT me to stop talking to you?
6:52pmJack
no thats the thing...but it seems like you do
6:52pmAndrea
i was just asking if you agreed...geez lol
aghghhh you keep sayyyin thatttt
you're very...
ughhh
lol
6:53pmJack
somthing happens i dont question
if especially if i pray about it
6:54pmAndrea
fine fien. but remember i'm a girl. i think outloud. so stop assumin every question i pose means i'm rethinking this whole thing
and what do you think God's sayin about it?
6:55pmJack
i dont know im still listening but i havent heard him tell me no
6:55pmAndrea
yea?
well...thats a good thing
6:55pmJack
andrea if you dont like or are you questioning it tell me know
6:55pmAndrea
brb
6:55pmJack
andrea no i cant
6:57pmJack
u bak
6:57pmAndrea
yea
here's the deal
from what i know about you, i like you. but i'm tryna keep in mind that i havent met you yet and i dont wanna go ahead and get all crazy ab you if later on we realize we dont click like we thought we did
i just fall really hard really fast and i dont want to get hurt again
please be understanding...
i wont ever lead you on i promse. thats why i'm bein so upfront ab all this...
but i do care about you and i think you're the greatest guy i may have ever met....but there's the thing... i havent exaclty met you yet...so i dont wanna just go on assumptions..
make sense?
7:02pmJack
why
7:02pmAndrea
why what
7:03pmJack
did i fall so hard for you
7:03pmAndrea
did you?
7:03pmJack
i dont want to talk about it
7:03pmAndrea
why?
7:03pmJack
i g2g
7:03pmAndrea
jack..
7:03pmJack
bye andrea
7:03pmAndrea
i was honest w/ you..
7:03pmJack
WHAT
ok yea
7:04pmAndrea
why wont you tell me
7:04pmJack
and i was just honest with you
7:04pmAndrea
whaddya mean you dont wanna talk ab it though
7:04pmJack
its diff when your the one telling the person to chill out or whatever
7:05pmAndrea
i'm not telling you to chill out..
7:05pmJack
its a diff story when your the guy listening to it
well maybe i need to
7:05pmAndrea
omgsh jack stop overreacting. just message me, i know you have to go..
7:05pmJack
ill try
7:11pmAndrea
you're not even bein fair
7:05pmJack
bye
7:05pmAndrea
bye
7:06pmJack
fair?
7:06pmAndrea
you keep pullin this pity party thing, when i'm just tryna be honest
7:06pmJack
what the heck andrea
7:06pmAndrea
you wanted me to tell you how i felt so i did, or would you rather i just keep it to myself and then surprise you one day
7:06pmJack
well why did you have to send me those long sweet messages then
7:06pmAndrea
bc it was TRUE
gahhh jack..
i dont say stuff i dont mean
but i'm still figurin it out
7:07pmJack
well my gosh do you think i dont either?
7:08pmAndrea
idk just... aghh. just dont assume that everytime i question things that means i dont like you
bc it doesnt
maybe i just shouldnt tell you how i feel so you dont jump to conclusions
7:09pmJack
i dont want to like somone who doesnt really like me andrea...ive had a woman who told me she was gonna break up with her husband cause she loved me...and the next day i waited for her and she didnt show up told me to get lost...and b4 that she married the guy i despised the most to make me jealous
i dont need my heart broken again andrea
7:10pmAndrea
i'm not going to break your heart. but dont get mad at me if my feelings are still developing.
but you really do need to slow down a little bit jack...
7:11pmJack
cause you cant make up your mind!
whatever im late
bye andrea
7:11pmAndrea
WAIT
AGH I'M STILL IN CAPS LOCK
7:11pmJack
whatttt
7:11pmAndrea
fine okay well
i was gonna say i havent even met you but you need to go eat so i'll talk to you later i guess....
please dont be mad at me
7:12pmJack
how many time have you said that?
7:12pmAndrea
bc its TRUE mayb?
7:13pmJack
gosh maybe if you looked outside the box
7:13pmAndrea
how can i know "for sure" if i "really like you" if i havent even met you
maybe if you started thinkin a little practically
..
7:13pmJack
you have really pissed me off andrea
7:13pmAndrea
ugh. idk i'm really sorry jack. i'm bein
7:13pmJack
i regret ever meeting you
7:13pmAndrea
i'm sorry
7:13pmJack
bye
7:13pmAndrea
are you frorea
forreal?
oh my gosh...
Jack is no longer online. The following was not sent:
that hurts jack. (send as a message)
this was....mondayish... anyway right after this i got offline bc i was pretty darn heated. and 2 seconds later he's textin me sayin what a jerk he was and could i ever forgive him and he wasn't thinkin and blahblahblah ...i'm the most amazing girl he's ever met and yadda yadda...so i told him i forgave him. and he's like...well good i'm glad that's over, i was cryin like a baby.
mmmhm. SO.. lol psycho. i'm thinkin definitely nooo. i mean i won't just completely STOP talking to him. if anything, i'll explain that he needs to go to a psychiatric ward somewhere lol jk but i KNOW how it feels to be left in the dark and no matter how crazy he's bein...no one deserves that. so yea. just an update. lol annyywayyyss..
and recently..well.. i hung out w/ michael hunter. he's a REEEEALLY nice guy. believes in germanic paganism, but nice guy. lol now NO i'm not thinking about dating or anything so calm down tracy, but we went to the park the other day after school and we had one of the best conversations i've had considering i hardly know him. he's really into theology and he was explaining how he wanted to find the truth himself rather than have it kinda...thrust upon him by parents or a church or whatever, and i respect that. i dont think anyone should believe soemthin simply because they "should." if they dont discover it for themselves, then it won't really be THEM who believes it...just the ppl who influence them. so yea. i'd really love to be able to share my beliefs with him...he even was asking me what i believed and everything but he ended up having to go to work before we finished. anyways.. thats all for now :))
5:08pmJack well i was nervous lol
5:08pmAndrea lol whyy?you talk to me all the time lol
5:08pmJack not like voice talking lol
5:09pmAndrea voice talking lol
5:09pmJack i was afriad to make a fool out of myself and i did lol
5:09pmAndrea you sounded like a different person and no you didnt
5:09pmJack yes talking on the phone silly lolyessssssssss i did
5:09pmAndrea you were kinda out there lol but you didnt make a fool of yourself lol..i meant you sounded like a completely different person than your voice mail(which was funny by the way..your voicemail hah)
5:10pmJack well it was suppose to sound diffi was out there huh:-(
5:10pmAndrea no not like thaaatcmon cheer up
5:11pmJack but i was out there
5:11pmAndrea i'm just sayin you were pretty darn random lol but its cool. it was funny hah
5:11pmJack ohhhhhhhhhh im from another galaxy
5:11pmAndrea right lolso what did you think about ME? now that we've criticized you....my turn. lol
5:12pmJack so how about them boston celtics winning the championship loli mean they were awesome
5:13pmAndrea ughghhh. stop avoiding melolwhat? did i sound THAT bad?
5:13pmJack noooooooo loli mean you sounded wonderful haits just me.....
5:14pmAndrea brbdont leave
5:14pmJack yes ma'mm
5:15pmAndrea hey can you be on here in like...45 min ?they're callin me to go eat.but this is not over lol.i wanna know why you hesitated to tell me what you thought lol...
5:16pmJack okay lolits not you andrea its me loli swear
5:16pmAndrea oh hush thats such a lineloland whats wrong w/ you?
5:16pmJack no im serious
5:16pmAndrea whaddya mean its you?
5:17pmJack i mean i made mysef sound like an idoit yesterdayand i dont want to be like why the crap did i like this guy
5:17pmAndrea lol oh whatveryou did not.but hey can you be on later?
5:18pmJack yesssss andrea when am i not on lol
5:18pmAndrea when you're freakin internet is freakin down lolmkay well i'll talk to you in a bit :)bye jack. and stop worrying.
5:18pmJack its hard not 2 lol
5:57pmAndrea Jack is no longer online. The following was not sent:i'm back (send as a message)5:59pmJack is online.
5:59pmAndrea Jack is no longer online. The following was not sent:i'm backkk (send as a message)
6:00pmJack is online.
6:01pmAndreaJack is no longer online. The following was not sent:i'm backkk (send as a message)
6:01pmJack is online.
6:01pmAndreaJack is no longer online. The following was not sent:i'm back (send as a message)
Andrea
you're so confuuuusing lol
and i wont even get to talk to you tomorrow... :(
or the next day...
6:51pmJack
well maybe thats a good thing for you since you think our relastionship is so weir
d
6:51pmAndrea
well dont you agree?????
this isnt normally how you meet someone you potentially care ab
6:52pmJack
well then if its so weird 2 you
why are you talking to me andrea
6:52pmAndrea
do you WANT me to stop talking to you?
6:52pmJack
no thats the thing...but it seems like you do
6:52pmAndrea
i was just asking if you agreed...geez lol
aghghhh you keep sayyyin thatttt
you're very...
ughhh
lol
6:53pmJack
somthing happens i dont question
if especially if i pray about it
6:54pmAndrea
fine fien. but remember i'm a girl. i think outloud. so stop assumin every question i pose means i'm rethinking this whole thing
and what do you think God's sayin about it?
6:55pmJack
i dont know im still listening but i havent heard him tell me no
6:55pmAndrea
yea?
well...thats a good thing
6:55pmJack
andrea if you dont like or are you questioning it tell me know
6:55pmAndrea
brb
6:55pmJack
andrea no i cant
6:57pmJack
u bak
6:57pmAndrea
yea
here's the deal
from what i know about you, i like you. but i'm tryna keep in mind that i havent met you yet and i dont wanna go ahead and get all crazy ab you if later on we realize we dont click like we thought we did
i just fall really hard really fast and i dont want to get hurt again
please be understanding...
i wont ever lead you on i promse. thats why i'm bein so upfront ab all this...
but i do care about you and i think you're the greatest guy i may have ever met....but there's the thing... i havent exaclty met you yet...so i dont wanna just go on assumptions..
make sense?
7:02pmJack
why
7:02pmAndrea
why what
7:03pmJack
did i fall so hard for you
7:03pmAndrea
did you?
7:03pmJack
i dont want to talk about it
7:03pmAndrea
why?
7:03pmJack
i g2g
7:03pmAndrea
jack..
7:03pmJack
bye andrea
7:03pmAndrea
i was honest w/ you..
7:03pmJack
WHAT
ok yea
7:04pmAndrea
why wont you tell me
7:04pmJack
and i was just honest with you
7:04pmAndrea
whaddya mean you dont wanna talk ab it though
7:04pmJack
its diff when your the one telling the person to chill out or whatever
7:05pmAndrea
i'm not telling you to chill out..
7:05pmJack
its a diff story when your the guy listening to it
well maybe i need to
7:05pmAndrea
omgsh jack stop overreacting. just message me, i know you have to go..
7:05pmJack
ill try
7:11pmAndrea
you're not even bein fair
7:05pmJack
bye
7:05pmAndrea
bye
7:06pmJack
fair?
7:06pmAndrea
you keep pullin this pity party thing, when i'm just tryna be honest
7:06pmJack
what the heck andrea
7:06pmAndrea
you wanted me to tell you how i felt so i did, or would you rather i just keep it to myself and then surprise you one day
7:06pmJack
well why did you have to send me those long sweet messages then
7:06pmAndrea
bc it was TRUE
gahhh jack..
i dont say stuff i dont mean
but i'm still figurin it out
7:07pmJack
well my gosh do you think i dont either?
7:08pmAndrea
idk just... aghh. just dont assume that everytime i question things that means i dont like you
bc it doesnt
maybe i just shouldnt tell you how i feel so you dont jump to conclusions
7:09pmJack
i dont want to like somone who doesnt really like me andrea...ive had a woman who told me she was gonna break up with her husband cause she loved me...and the next day i waited for her and she didnt show up told me to get lost...and b4 that she married the guy i despised the most to make me jealous
i dont need my heart broken again andrea
7:10pmAndrea
i'm not going to break your heart. but dont get mad at me if my feelings are still developing.
but you really do need to slow down a little bit jack...
7:11pmJack
cause you cant make up your mind!
whatever im late
bye andrea
7:11pmAndrea
WAIT
AGH I'M STILL IN CAPS LOCK
7:11pmJack
whatttt
7:11pmAndrea
fine okay well
i was gonna say i havent even met you but you need to go eat so i'll talk to you later i guess....
please dont be mad at me
7:12pmJack
how many time have you said that?
7:12pmAndrea
bc its TRUE mayb?
7:13pmJack
gosh maybe if you looked outside the box
7:13pmAndrea
how can i know "for sure" if i "really like you" if i havent even met you
maybe if you started thinkin a little practically
..
7:13pmJack
you have really pissed me off andrea
7:13pmAndrea
ugh. idk i'm really sorry jack. i'm bein
7:13pmJack
i regret ever meeting you
7:13pmAndrea
i'm sorry
7:13pmJack
bye
7:13pmAndrea
are you frorea
forreal?
oh my gosh...
Jack is no longer online. The following was not sent:
that hurts jack. (send as a message)
this was....mondayish... anyway right after this i got offline bc i was pretty darn heated. and 2 seconds later he's textin me sayin what a jerk he was and could i ever forgive him and he wasn't thinkin and blahblahblah ...i'm the most amazing girl he's ever met and yadda yadda...so i told him i forgave him. and he's like...well good i'm glad that's over, i was cryin like a baby.
mmmhm. SO.. lol psycho. i'm thinkin definitely nooo. i mean i won't just completely STOP talking to him. if anything, i'll explain that he needs to go to a psychiatric ward somewhere lol jk but i KNOW how it feels to be left in the dark and no matter how crazy he's bein...no one deserves that. so yea. just an update. lol annyywayyyss..
and recently..well.. i hung out w/ michael hunter. he's a REEEEALLY nice guy. believes in germanic paganism, but nice guy. lol now NO i'm not thinking about dating or anything so calm down tracy, but we went to the park the other day after school and we had one of the best conversations i've had considering i hardly know him. he's really into theology and he was explaining how he wanted to find the truth himself rather than have it kinda...thrust upon him by parents or a church or whatever, and i respect that. i dont think anyone should believe soemthin simply because they "should." if they dont discover it for themselves, then it won't really be THEM who believes it...just the ppl who influence them. so yea. i'd really love to be able to share my beliefs with him...he even was asking me what i believed and everything but he ended up having to go to work before we finished. anyways.. thats all for now :))
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
the talk
Andrea
its not that i dont want it to, bc i like you more than i've liked anyone ...really ever. but...that doesnt mean this is practical
or even POSSIBLE..
soadijfoiasemflkasmefoi
i've never even heard your voice..
1:31pmJack
well if you just want to give up on it fine
your deccision
1:31pmAndrea
i'm not giving up..
1:32pmJack
then what are you doing andrea?
1:32pmAndrea
i'm just...idk...thinking outloud...
what makes you even think this is possible??
i'm SEVENTEEN.
i havent even GRADUATED
arent you just a little doubtfull...
1:33pmJack
good lord andrea did you hear me say hey lets get married?
1:33pmAndrea
no
i'm just sayin...
ahh forget it.
1:33pmJack
well this is what im saying
gods timing is always perfect
its never 2 slow
its never 2 fast
if god doesnt want this 2 work out he'll let us know
andrea i have lived with doubt my whole entire life...all that people in my family and my friends have doubted me
1:35pmAndrea
but how would i even know if he was tryna say it shouldnt work...there's already plennnnttty of obstacles in the way...
and i'm not doubting you...just the situation..
like...okay...even if i were to tell my parents...they're NOT gonna be happy and they PROBABLY wouldnt' let me talk to you after they found otu..
i've been through this before...well having to deal with them finding out ab somethin like this...and ...it was the worst experience ever...i couldn't have contact with ANYONE i talked to on that website...
i'm just scared of what will happen, thats all
1:38pmJack
so you have looked possible all the bad things and what worse that can happen..all the downfalls.
but
have you took time to all the good that can happen
1:40pmAndrea
yes. i have.
1:42pmAndrea
...
1:42pmJack
ohh
1:43pmAndrea
h/o..
1:43pmJack
k
1:43pmAndrea
...
so..
1:43pmJack
so its pretty obvious you've made up your mind
1:44pmAndrea
no i ahvent
stop assuming
i'm not just giving up
its not as easy as you think
1:46pmJack
andrea what the heck are you talking about then...you could of written a novel that could of been called "Why not to have a long distance relationship with Jack Mclaurin"
1:46pmAndrea
omgsh what do i do then?
i'm TRYYYING...
1:46pmJack
you act you dont want to........
1:46pmAndrea
jack i DO.
seriously
you're bein so negative...i'm just tryna figure this out. i'm a girl remember
just tell me what to do.
but i feel like crap bc i feel like you think i'm just tryna blow you off and its not like that at all...
you're not the only one who's goin crazy here
1:50pmJack
no you are andrea...your so scared what could go wrong ive been the worse places in my life so addicted to weed and alchol i couldnt stop i would be so blazed in my room and i would pour down tears....but stop foucusing on whats the worse that can happen and if you say it will never work...well if you say that long enough it never will
1:52pmAndrea
okay. ...okay. i'm thinkin positive. now how is that really helpin anything? i mean...unless you're just fed up and wanna forget about it, i still want to try, i'm jst tryna figure out HOW
1:53pmJack
well unless you want to make up a ridickulous story
1:53pmAndrea
hit me with it
my imagination's shot right now
1:53pmJack
have you 2 any past events out side of missispii
1:54pmAndrea
i went to a camp in toccoa ga this past summer..
1:55pmAndrea
Jack is no longer online. The following was not sent:
?
1:55pmJack
okay listen this what you'll do
1:56pmAndrea
listening..
1:58pmJack
okay well one day when you get your min up lol...youll call me and go wherever your parents are and make it obvious your talking to a guy...i mean realllllly obvious call out my name a few times...and theyre gonna be like
andreaaaaaaaa
who are you talking to?
oh jack mom i met him at that camp i went to a georgia he's a really great christian guy
and then you carry on from there
1:59pmAndrea
mkay well there's some minor problems there but i get what you mean..
2:01pmAndrea
like i cant talk on my cell phone, bc i'm on a minute plan...i get 20 dollars per 3 months...18 cents a minute, 5 cents a text. yea i know.. i hate it. i know it probably seems like i just keep tryna crush your ideas...but i'm not i promise, i'm just makin sure you understand
so the cell phone's out except for occasional texting, and home phone's out bc i cant just out of the blue call a guy from camp several months ago
BUT...
2:02pmJack
well okay another idea
2:02pmAndrea
jack...do you like me?
2:02pmJack
yes andrea i like you alot
2:03pmAndrea
you're sure...
2:03pmJack
andrea let me tell you somthing
and then you
will know if im sure
well mrs. andrea...you asked me if i was sure i liked you...well heres the truth. I had prayed to god to send me a girl who was funny and sarcastic as me and who had a passion for god. And when i met you, you litterally lit up my world and i know you think im crazy but its true...no im not in love with you. God put you in my life for a reason. Whats not to like about you, beautiful, funny, cute,your sarcasim, and your so not boring lol....when i talk to i feel like i can be myself and thats hard for me 2 do in front of people...i dont know why i like you so much, but i do and i think why im so attracted to you is that your so in love with god and your so easy to talk to...i have to try to make this work, because i dont want to look back and regret would could of been. we got somthing here andrea, and we shouldnt give on it yet..and to answer you question..yes andrea lynn i really really really really really like you alot :-)
its not that i dont want it to, bc i like you more than i've liked anyone ...really ever. but...that doesnt mean this is practical
or even POSSIBLE..
soadijfoiasemflkasmefoi
i've never even heard your voice..
1:31pmJack
well if you just want to give up on it fine
your deccision
1:31pmAndrea
i'm not giving up..
1:32pmJack
then what are you doing andrea?
1:32pmAndrea
i'm just...idk...thinking outloud...
what makes you even think this is possible??
i'm SEVENTEEN.
i havent even GRADUATED
arent you just a little doubtfull...
1:33pmJack
good lord andrea did you hear me say hey lets get married?
1:33pmAndrea
no
i'm just sayin...
ahh forget it.
1:33pmJack
well this is what im saying
gods timing is always perfect
its never 2 slow
its never 2 fast
if god doesnt want this 2 work out he'll let us know
andrea i have lived with doubt my whole entire life...all that people in my family and my friends have doubted me
1:35pmAndrea
but how would i even know if he was tryna say it shouldnt work...there's already plennnnttty of obstacles in the way...
and i'm not doubting you...just the situation..
like...okay...even if i were to tell my parents...they're NOT gonna be happy and they PROBABLY wouldnt' let me talk to you after they found otu..
i've been through this before...well having to deal with them finding out ab somethin like this...and ...it was the worst experience ever...i couldn't have contact with ANYONE i talked to on that website...
i'm just scared of what will happen, thats all
1:38pmJack
so you have looked possible all the bad things and what worse that can happen..all the downfalls.
but
have you took time to all the good that can happen
1:40pmAndrea
yes. i have.
1:42pmAndrea
...
1:42pmJack
ohh
1:43pmAndrea
h/o..
1:43pmJack
k
1:43pmAndrea
...
so..
1:43pmJack
so its pretty obvious you've made up your mind
1:44pmAndrea
no i ahvent
stop assuming
i'm not just giving up
its not as easy as you think
1:46pmJack
andrea what the heck are you talking about then...you could of written a novel that could of been called "Why not to have a long distance relationship with Jack Mclaurin"
1:46pmAndrea
omgsh what do i do then?
i'm TRYYYING...
1:46pmJack
you act you dont want to........
1:46pmAndrea
jack i DO.
seriously
you're bein so negative...i'm just tryna figure this out. i'm a girl remember
just tell me what to do.
but i feel like crap bc i feel like you think i'm just tryna blow you off and its not like that at all...
you're not the only one who's goin crazy here
1:50pmJack
no you are andrea...your so scared what could go wrong ive been the worse places in my life so addicted to weed and alchol i couldnt stop i would be so blazed in my room and i would pour down tears....but stop foucusing on whats the worse that can happen and if you say it will never work...well if you say that long enough it never will
1:52pmAndrea
okay. ...okay. i'm thinkin positive. now how is that really helpin anything? i mean...unless you're just fed up and wanna forget about it, i still want to try, i'm jst tryna figure out HOW
1:53pmJack
well unless you want to make up a ridickulous story
1:53pmAndrea
hit me with it
my imagination's shot right now
1:53pmJack
have you 2 any past events out side of missispii
1:54pmAndrea
i went to a camp in toccoa ga this past summer..
1:55pmAndrea
Jack is no longer online. The following was not sent:
?
1:55pmJack
okay listen this what you'll do
1:56pmAndrea
listening..
1:58pmJack
okay well one day when you get your min up lol...youll call me and go wherever your parents are and make it obvious your talking to a guy...i mean realllllly obvious call out my name a few times...and theyre gonna be like
andreaaaaaaaa
who are you talking to?
oh jack mom i met him at that camp i went to a georgia he's a really great christian guy
and then you carry on from there
1:59pmAndrea
mkay well there's some minor problems there but i get what you mean..
2:01pmAndrea
like i cant talk on my cell phone, bc i'm on a minute plan...i get 20 dollars per 3 months...18 cents a minute, 5 cents a text. yea i know.. i hate it. i know it probably seems like i just keep tryna crush your ideas...but i'm not i promise, i'm just makin sure you understand
so the cell phone's out except for occasional texting, and home phone's out bc i cant just out of the blue call a guy from camp several months ago
BUT...
2:02pmJack
well okay another idea
2:02pmAndrea
jack...do you like me?
2:02pmJack
yes andrea i like you alot
2:03pmAndrea
you're sure...
2:03pmJack
andrea let me tell you somthing
and then you
will know if im sure
well mrs. andrea...you asked me if i was sure i liked you...well heres the truth. I had prayed to god to send me a girl who was funny and sarcastic as me and who had a passion for god. And when i met you, you litterally lit up my world and i know you think im crazy but its true...no im not in love with you. God put you in my life for a reason. Whats not to like about you, beautiful, funny, cute,your sarcasim, and your so not boring lol....when i talk to i feel like i can be myself and thats hard for me 2 do in front of people...i dont know why i like you so much, but i do and i think why im so attracted to you is that your so in love with god and your so easy to talk to...i have to try to make this work, because i dont want to look back and regret would could of been. we got somthing here andrea, and we shouldnt give on it yet..and to answer you question..yes andrea lynn i really really really really really like you alot :-)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
jack.
"andrea tonite was amazing :-).....i have to say somthing though..i know we just met and you prob are thinking im a stalker....but you are the most amazing girl i have ever met in my life...youre funny, sarcastic, sweet, gorgeous, your personality makes you so beautiful and what impresses me more about you is your relationship with god...i have never found a girl who was like that...i know you prob dont think the same way...im not gonna go into stalker zone and say i love you okay lol cause i havent even met you yet haha...but for some reason i like you alot and i havent even known you that long...i click with you for some reason...i always thought i was too weird or random for girls and talking to you just makes me feel special sooo yea i hope you hade a good nites sleep im sure gonna need it haha....but hopefully you will talk to me if this message doesnt freak you out haha..but i will talk to you tomm okay :-)...bye andreaa"
along with everything else we've talked about and how EASY it is to talk to him and the fact that he has a super close relationship with Christ....how can i possibly just forget about this guy? i mean, i'm not trying to pursue anything bc right now there'd be no point in it, but .... i see no reason for me to act like this never happened. bc it did. and what if ...yknow you just never know. i dont wanna pass up something that could be ....well... i mean what if we get married one day. i mean who's to say we weren't meant to be, and this was just the way we happened to meet. i know it sounds stupid, and it is kind of ...but i'm not hurtin anything by getting to know him. and at least i dont have to worry about how he feels about me...which is normally the case- i fall for someone and THEN i have to deal with the fact that he hasn't caught up with my feelings as fast as he maybe should have....but see...here...i do believe he's a bit ahead of me...which i've never really found in a guy. and maybe that's creepy to some people, but i think it's really attractive that he is able to tell how he feels after not knowing me very long. guys aren't assertive anymore...dont know if anyone's noticed. but anyway....for now, of course i'm keepin my options open, but i do think i like him. and that's just how i am. and i'm okay with that. i know i may be settin myself up, but it IS different this time, maybe not by much, but by what i think matters most...being open and honest about your feelings. so we're starting from a new perspective this time, and maybe it'll end up where all the others do, but all i know is that it doesn't hurt to give it a try. so for now i'm still talkin to him and we'll see what happens....
Saturday, September 6, 2008
wtc
Okay so here’s the question I’ve been asking myself lately….
Can you date someone but like someone else better? Even if it’s impossible to ever meet them?…bc you still know they’re out there…that there’s someone better out there…but what you have is “good” so you just keep it like that. (and no tracy this is not about Jason lol) I started talking to this guy…his name’s jack and…well, I really like him. He lives in north carolina. Yea I know. Why does this happen to me? Andrew hasn’t called since Wednesday I think but he’ll probably call tonight. But regardless the fact still remains that I don’t see me and Andrew goin anywhere. And its not that I don’t want us to, because at least he’s real to me and I know he’s a great guy…but I don’t think we’re gonna be able to see each other or talk enough to keep up a relationship. He’s beginning to seem like that dream again…something I THINK is real, but I’m not really sure bc its been so long since I’ve seen him or talked to him…I begin to wonder if I dreamt him up. I wish I could just be normal and not go looking for people to talk to who I know I’ll never meet. I’m just an idiot. I should know myself well enough to know that that’s a baaaad idea, but I do it anyway..and it makes me really happy for a while, until I have to face the facts that its pointless to stay in touch bc nothing will ever come of it. But that’s who I am…and I know its painful but I don’t want to change that for some reason. Really stupid of me huh.
Can you date someone but like someone else better? Even if it’s impossible to ever meet them?…bc you still know they’re out there…that there’s someone better out there…but what you have is “good” so you just keep it like that. (and no tracy this is not about Jason lol) I started talking to this guy…his name’s jack and…well, I really like him. He lives in north carolina. Yea I know. Why does this happen to me? Andrew hasn’t called since Wednesday I think but he’ll probably call tonight. But regardless the fact still remains that I don’t see me and Andrew goin anywhere. And its not that I don’t want us to, because at least he’s real to me and I know he’s a great guy…but I don’t think we’re gonna be able to see each other or talk enough to keep up a relationship. He’s beginning to seem like that dream again…something I THINK is real, but I’m not really sure bc its been so long since I’ve seen him or talked to him…I begin to wonder if I dreamt him up. I wish I could just be normal and not go looking for people to talk to who I know I’ll never meet. I’m just an idiot. I should know myself well enough to know that that’s a baaaad idea, but I do it anyway..and it makes me really happy for a while, until I have to face the facts that its pointless to stay in touch bc nothing will ever come of it. But that’s who I am…and I know its painful but I don’t want to change that for some reason. Really stupid of me huh.
that tickley feeling :)
I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove this weather. Love it love it LOVE it. I wish it were always like this. There’s something about autumn that just…idk overcomes you with excitement. I don’t know if it’s the clear blue sky and all the beautiful fall colors …the leaves falling…the geese…the nippy air that’s just cold enough for a light jacket…its perfect. I want to be OUT IN IT …I wanna go to the park with someone and just walk around the lake and swing on the swings…and hike the trail in the afternoon. I wanna go to the FAIR! But thanks to idiot liberty land owner now we have the “delta stupid fair” which is NOT the same. Idiots. But anyway….that’s what I wanna do. Oh I love it so much!!! I want to freeze the point in time so badly.
Monday, September 1, 2008
...okay yea i know. i overreact.
"hey andrea..i got in a fight with my mom on saturday and i got my phone taken away and i thought i was gonna get it back today but that aint happenin..but whenever i get it back i will call you asap..but i miss you and i will hopefully talk to you later"
...so... :)
i've gotta stop worryin.
...so... :)
i've gotta stop worryin.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
worry warts.
lots of worrying.
-college.
-boys.
-by boys i mean andrew.
-and tyler kinda.
-this stupid student council election.
-the fact that its just a popularity contest.
-i'm growing up.
-i think my brother feels like i don't really love him sometimes.
- :(
-my non existant quiet times.
-ashley and her baby.
-art...or LACK of art.
-grades and this stupid valedictorian thing.
- stupid head elias is beating me.
-i'm gettin fat.
-the world in general.
-OH! the ELECTIONS!
-clubs.
-ACT.
-pretty much any issue you can imagine.
i'm worrying about it.
-college.
-boys.
-by boys i mean andrew.
-and tyler kinda.
-this stupid student council election.
-the fact that its just a popularity contest.
-i'm growing up.
-i think my brother feels like i don't really love him sometimes.
- :(
-my non existant quiet times.
-ashley and her baby.
-art...or LACK of art.
-grades and this stupid valedictorian thing.
- stupid head elias is beating me.
-i'm gettin fat.
-the world in general.
-OH! the ELECTIONS!
-clubs.
-ACT.
-pretty much any issue you can imagine.
i'm worrying about it.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
blahbadeeblah.
I don’t know what’s goin on with me……
I’m letting too much stuff get to me that I know I shouldn’t make a big deal out of, its just…well I’m really bad about not letting things get to me and…yea.
Like…I know this is SUPER stupid, but I’m pretty sure Andrew comments people a good bit because he always has new comments from them in reply-style, and I guess that’s kinda stalker-ish of me to notice that, but I do and I can’t help it. Its just that there’s so much of a damper on every part of this “maybe relationship” that its really hard for me to see this going much of anywhere. He might as well be a thousand miles away. But anyway today I was drivin and that old song “for you I will” by teddy Geiger came on the radio and it just made me start thinking about all that tyler had said (that I had pretty much completely disregarded until that STUPID song) and idk…for a couple of moments Andrew seemed like a stupid idea to me. And that scares me. Do I like him?! Why WOULDN’T I like him? He’s pretty much everything I could want in a guy. I mean, with an exception of some minor things, ….agrghghathghghgh. See? Why am I confused? This is supposed to be a DUH situation. DUH DUH DUHHHH! What’s WRONG with me?! Lol no but seriously. What’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m just having some doubts because I haven’t seen him and now that he actually seems REAL to me since I DID actually get to see him last week, maybe now that he’s gone, its kinda hit me how hard this is gonna be. Maybe that’s it. But idk its just that when we’re on the phone…the past couple of conversations have been kinda…idk. Like there’s no spark. And I’m worried he’s feelin it too. And I mean, not like there’s no attraction or anything but its just like we’ve almost run out of stuff to talk about. And like I said, this is probably a minor glitch and due to the fact that we’re both tired and busy with school and he’s had football till like 7 everyday…but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel this way. I don’t know, I’m just ramblin and tryna make there be a problem that doesn’t even really EXIST…
I know if I could see him though, things would be okay. I need to hang out with him really bad but he probably won’t be able to come down here this weekend. In fact, it’s a pretty definite “no.” and then NEXT weekend, he can’t come down here bc my parents said we’re gonna try to put up that fence in the back. And THENNN the NEXT weekend, I have the FCS picnic, so it’d be pointless for him to come THAT weekend. Argh see this is already a MONTH’S time that we for sure won’t be able to see each other. I mean pretty soon he’s gonna get sick of this. And I’m ALREADY starting to have doubts so I mean…I just don’t know how I feel, and it shouldn’t be this hard to decide how I feel. Its just like a means to no ends though. Like we’re working toward something that can never be. Wow I’m making this sound dramatic lol. But it IS kinda dramatic in my head. Egh I’m stupid. But anyway I hope it gets better. I miss him. I want some assurance in my life. Why is that so FREAKING hard. Arugh.
I’m letting too much stuff get to me that I know I shouldn’t make a big deal out of, its just…well I’m really bad about not letting things get to me and…yea.
Like…I know this is SUPER stupid, but I’m pretty sure Andrew comments people a good bit because he always has new comments from them in reply-style, and I guess that’s kinda stalker-ish of me to notice that, but I do and I can’t help it. Its just that there’s so much of a damper on every part of this “maybe relationship” that its really hard for me to see this going much of anywhere. He might as well be a thousand miles away. But anyway today I was drivin and that old song “for you I will” by teddy Geiger came on the radio and it just made me start thinking about all that tyler had said (that I had pretty much completely disregarded until that STUPID song) and idk…for a couple of moments Andrew seemed like a stupid idea to me. And that scares me. Do I like him?! Why WOULDN’T I like him? He’s pretty much everything I could want in a guy. I mean, with an exception of some minor things, ….agrghghathghghgh. See? Why am I confused? This is supposed to be a DUH situation. DUH DUH DUHHHH! What’s WRONG with me?! Lol no but seriously. What’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m just having some doubts because I haven’t seen him and now that he actually seems REAL to me since I DID actually get to see him last week, maybe now that he’s gone, its kinda hit me how hard this is gonna be. Maybe that’s it. But idk its just that when we’re on the phone…the past couple of conversations have been kinda…idk. Like there’s no spark. And I’m worried he’s feelin it too. And I mean, not like there’s no attraction or anything but its just like we’ve almost run out of stuff to talk about. And like I said, this is probably a minor glitch and due to the fact that we’re both tired and busy with school and he’s had football till like 7 everyday…but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel this way. I don’t know, I’m just ramblin and tryna make there be a problem that doesn’t even really EXIST…
I know if I could see him though, things would be okay. I need to hang out with him really bad but he probably won’t be able to come down here this weekend. In fact, it’s a pretty definite “no.” and then NEXT weekend, he can’t come down here bc my parents said we’re gonna try to put up that fence in the back. And THENNN the NEXT weekend, I have the FCS picnic, so it’d be pointless for him to come THAT weekend. Argh see this is already a MONTH’S time that we for sure won’t be able to see each other. I mean pretty soon he’s gonna get sick of this. And I’m ALREADY starting to have doubts so I mean…I just don’t know how I feel, and it shouldn’t be this hard to decide how I feel. Its just like a means to no ends though. Like we’re working toward something that can never be. Wow I’m making this sound dramatic lol. But it IS kinda dramatic in my head. Egh I’m stupid. But anyway I hope it gets better. I miss him. I want some assurance in my life. Why is that so FREAKING hard. Arugh.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
funny
So this is what happens today:
Tyler Shane Martin
Today at 6:01pm
hey i just wanted to ask/tell you somethin and i didnt really want to write it on ur wall so everybody could read it..although i dont think i would mind if everyone did read it i guess..i guess im just babbling on cause i dont know how exactly to say all this so im just wastin space to delay what i want to say...blah blah blah blah blah.....blah..alksdhgls...ok im good lol...so umm yea..i guess what i was tryin to say is..i like you andrea.. i like you a lot..i was just too much of a chicken to tell you in person..i know i had a lot of chances to tell you before and im sorry about that..i can be pretty stubborn most of the time i guess..oh and yea i guess i should ask you my question too now that i got that off my chest..do you think you would ever have gone out with me? i mean as you know boyfriend/girlfriend and all that jazz? im not askin you out right now or anything, but believe me i would in a heartbeat, i guess i was just wonderin if you ever felt the same about me..oh and no matter what your answer i'll still feel the same about you and i'll still be your friend if you'll have me...whew i feel better
Andrea Lynn
Today at 7:06pm
Lol …Yknow that’s funny because I liked you on and off for about two years. Uhm… to answer your question, yes I would have gone out with you. But honestly I guess what was responsible for the times I didn’t “like” you so much was that the moment I would kinda start likin you more, I would turn around and you were dating someone else. Hah like I remember that time you bought me a boo bag back a million years ago and I was really excited bc I was like aww he likes me and everything and then I clearly remember like literally the next day you holding hands with some girl in the hallway and it kinda bummed me out. But then I eventually was alright with it and I think we became a lot closer as friends and thennnn around prom time I was a little curious as to how you felt but I had a lot going on at that point anyway so I tried not to think about it and then after prom and stuff I started likin you again and then you started dating kaylee. And I don’t know if you remember or not but like your last day of school or whatever I didn’t really say bye or anything and I felt bad but honestly I was a little upset lol. I guess just because every time I thought something was gonna happen, I felt like it was getting thrown back in my face. Anywayyyyy. Lol kinda feels good to put this in the open huh? Lol. Um but as far as the here and now…tyler…you’re still an amazing guy and I know this sounds like I’m gonna say “BUT” …and I kinda am but not in the usual sense of the word… its just that you’re in college now and …idk….I’ve kinda lost touch with you a little bit bc I never see you and I’m sure there’s a whole bunch of new people at ICC and its my senior year and… I just don’t know how practical it would be to start likin each other again now. Lol I mean, you’ve gotta admit, you’re timing sucks lol jk. But its all good. And if you WERE to “ask me out,” right now, I don’t know for sure if I could answer you because there’s A LOT goin on right now…but I CAN say that we can’t go wrong being friends and then if something should happen later on, great, and if not, we’re still good. Sorry that was so long lol. I mean now that it took so long for us to ever even SAY anything, I don’t wanna go back to where we can’t talk about it yknow..? Anyway, I’m really glad you told me. And you should write back lol.
Tyler Shane Martin
Today at 7:20pm
well its good to know that somebody likes me :) yea im really sorry about all the datin back and forth i just cant ever seem to make up my mind..its pretty bad sometimes, i'll like a girl one day and like almost the next day i wouldnt like em so much..i never was like that w/ you though..i always liked you, i just never thought you would want to be w/ me..and yea i understand you got a lot goin on right now, thats ok i dont mind..yea there are a bunch of new people at ICC but i've never been one to be real outgoing or anything..i miss bein around you and everybody else i know..and yea its your senior year i understand that too, you should have fun and do everything you want to this year cause you won't get another chance..i still wish i had done a lot of stuff last year..but its all good..yea i know it won't be 'practical' to like each other right now, i understand that, but too bad..im gonna like you whether you want me to or not lol..and i'll always be your friend too whether you want me or not :P
Andrea Lynn
Today at 7:25pm
lol. i can't believe you ALWAYS liked me lol. see you were always like kinda flirty..but i figured you were like that around EVERYONE. why would you think i wouldn't want to be with you? and just bc i'm curious...after HOW many years of knowin me lol why did it take you this long? hah. you dont have to answer, i'm just curious.
Ohm yea. OH the irony. I don’t really know what to make of this, and as pathetic as it sounds, I remember layin in bed back in like 9th grade and thinking how I would just FAINT if he asked me out or whatever. I was crazy about him then. Its funny to see how you can change. If he had been sayin that to me then, I probably woulda just blubbered over myself and fallen out. that’s how bad it was lol. But I don’t really have feelings for him anymore, surprisingly. And now that Andrew’s come into my life, its hard to imagine going back to those feelings I used to have for tyler. I feel kinda bad. I’m afraid he got the impression that I DID like him, I just didn’t wanna date. Which is not exactly what I was tryna say… so…but oh well. Its not like I’m ever gonna see him, so I think things’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t just assume that we’re “talking” or anything. If us talking about old feelings messed up something with Andrew, that would kill me. So right now I guess we’re good. And I don’t feel like I said anything I shouldn’t… I was just honest with how I had felt, and I’m the kinda person who doesn’t hold anything inside ESPECIALLY when I’m given the opportunity to talk about it. I hate it when there are those awkward tensions between two people and now that that’s gone with tyler, I feel like our friendship can finally grow stronger instead of always having those little bits of confusion in the back of our minds. At least everything’s out in the open now and I can move on and be free of wondering.
Tyler Shane Martin
Today at 6:01pm
hey i just wanted to ask/tell you somethin and i didnt really want to write it on ur wall so everybody could read it..although i dont think i would mind if everyone did read it i guess..i guess im just babbling on cause i dont know how exactly to say all this so im just wastin space to delay what i want to say...blah blah blah blah blah.....blah..alksdhgls...ok im good lol...so umm yea..i guess what i was tryin to say is..i like you andrea.. i like you a lot..i was just too much of a chicken to tell you in person..i know i had a lot of chances to tell you before and im sorry about that..i can be pretty stubborn most of the time i guess..oh and yea i guess i should ask you my question too now that i got that off my chest..do you think you would ever have gone out with me? i mean as you know boyfriend/girlfriend and all that jazz? im not askin you out right now or anything, but believe me i would in a heartbeat, i guess i was just wonderin if you ever felt the same about me..oh and no matter what your answer i'll still feel the same about you and i'll still be your friend if you'll have me...whew i feel better
Andrea Lynn
Today at 7:06pm
Lol …Yknow that’s funny because I liked you on and off for about two years. Uhm… to answer your question, yes I would have gone out with you. But honestly I guess what was responsible for the times I didn’t “like” you so much was that the moment I would kinda start likin you more, I would turn around and you were dating someone else. Hah like I remember that time you bought me a boo bag back a million years ago and I was really excited bc I was like aww he likes me and everything and then I clearly remember like literally the next day you holding hands with some girl in the hallway and it kinda bummed me out. But then I eventually was alright with it and I think we became a lot closer as friends and thennnn around prom time I was a little curious as to how you felt but I had a lot going on at that point anyway so I tried not to think about it and then after prom and stuff I started likin you again and then you started dating kaylee. And I don’t know if you remember or not but like your last day of school or whatever I didn’t really say bye or anything and I felt bad but honestly I was a little upset lol. I guess just because every time I thought something was gonna happen, I felt like it was getting thrown back in my face. Anywayyyyy. Lol kinda feels good to put this in the open huh? Lol. Um but as far as the here and now…tyler…you’re still an amazing guy and I know this sounds like I’m gonna say “BUT” …and I kinda am but not in the usual sense of the word… its just that you’re in college now and …idk….I’ve kinda lost touch with you a little bit bc I never see you and I’m sure there’s a whole bunch of new people at ICC and its my senior year and… I just don’t know how practical it would be to start likin each other again now. Lol I mean, you’ve gotta admit, you’re timing sucks lol jk. But its all good. And if you WERE to “ask me out,” right now, I don’t know for sure if I could answer you because there’s A LOT goin on right now…but I CAN say that we can’t go wrong being friends and then if something should happen later on, great, and if not, we’re still good. Sorry that was so long lol. I mean now that it took so long for us to ever even SAY anything, I don’t wanna go back to where we can’t talk about it yknow..? Anyway, I’m really glad you told me. And you should write back lol.
Tyler Shane Martin
Today at 7:20pm
well its good to know that somebody likes me :) yea im really sorry about all the datin back and forth i just cant ever seem to make up my mind..its pretty bad sometimes, i'll like a girl one day and like almost the next day i wouldnt like em so much..i never was like that w/ you though..i always liked you, i just never thought you would want to be w/ me..and yea i understand you got a lot goin on right now, thats ok i dont mind..yea there are a bunch of new people at ICC but i've never been one to be real outgoing or anything..i miss bein around you and everybody else i know..and yea its your senior year i understand that too, you should have fun and do everything you want to this year cause you won't get another chance..i still wish i had done a lot of stuff last year..but its all good..yea i know it won't be 'practical' to like each other right now, i understand that, but too bad..im gonna like you whether you want me to or not lol..and i'll always be your friend too whether you want me or not :P
Andrea Lynn
Today at 7:25pm
lol. i can't believe you ALWAYS liked me lol. see you were always like kinda flirty..but i figured you were like that around EVERYONE. why would you think i wouldn't want to be with you? and just bc i'm curious...after HOW many years of knowin me lol why did it take you this long? hah. you dont have to answer, i'm just curious.
Ohm yea. OH the irony. I don’t really know what to make of this, and as pathetic as it sounds, I remember layin in bed back in like 9th grade and thinking how I would just FAINT if he asked me out or whatever. I was crazy about him then. Its funny to see how you can change. If he had been sayin that to me then, I probably woulda just blubbered over myself and fallen out. that’s how bad it was lol. But I don’t really have feelings for him anymore, surprisingly. And now that Andrew’s come into my life, its hard to imagine going back to those feelings I used to have for tyler. I feel kinda bad. I’m afraid he got the impression that I DID like him, I just didn’t wanna date. Which is not exactly what I was tryna say… so…but oh well. Its not like I’m ever gonna see him, so I think things’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t just assume that we’re “talking” or anything. If us talking about old feelings messed up something with Andrew, that would kill me. So right now I guess we’re good. And I don’t feel like I said anything I shouldn’t… I was just honest with how I had felt, and I’m the kinda person who doesn’t hold anything inside ESPECIALLY when I’m given the opportunity to talk about it. I hate it when there are those awkward tensions between two people and now that that’s gone with tyler, I feel like our friendship can finally grow stronger instead of always having those little bits of confusion in the back of our minds. At least everything’s out in the open now and I can move on and be free of wondering.
frustrATION frustrATION frustrATION.
So last night Andrew called and we talked for a little bit. He wanted to know what my parents thought of him so I just told him the truth about the stupid thing about the movie and stuff and then he started getting all bummed because he thought my parents didn’t like him. Which may be closer to the truth than I’d like, BUT they’re still letting him come down here and stuff, its just that my parents, mother especially, has to find SOMETHING wrong with EVERYONE. We decided next time he’ll bring barney and friends lol. Anyway I asked him what his parents thought about me and he just said they said I was pretty and seemed really nice. So THAT part’s good. But then he said as they were drivin home that they were talkin about how long of a drive it would be and stuff and he said he didn’t really say anything. He’s gonna try to come down this Saturday but I’m scared he won’t be able to. And I reallllly wanna see him…
Anyway when I got off the phone with him my mom was like…so what did you find out? She keeps buggin me about his spirituality and stuff, which is really important to me, but she’s not gonna like give me an AGENDA to check off. That’s ridiculous. And she was like, I just don’t see how a long distance relationship can work that well. I was like…we’re NOT in a relationship. we're just two people who are trying to get to know each other. And she’s like…well I seem to remember you telling me you liked him. Omgsh. Yea I LIKE him but we’re not DATING. I told her I was like…you can’t just rush this and try to make it be something it’s not. (not that she WANTS it to be something) but she wants to go ahead and put a label on it so she can make formal rules about dating or something and since we aren’t technically dating, I guess that’s killin her that she can’t make more limits for me. I mean we already can’t talk except for MAYBE every other day for pretty much no longer than 30 minutes and he can’t call past 9. Where does she really think this is gonna get her? I’m gonna be gone in less than a year…does she REALLY think she can still hold onto me? I remember her telling me ..we were talking about Vanderbilt and how people can’t bring cars because there’s no parking on campus and I was like..well if I go there, I’ll HAVE to take my car because I wanna be able to go home instead of depending on my parents coming down and BRINGING me home. And she was like well even if you DO take your car, I don’t want you just goin everywhere. I expect you to do just like you do here and I don’t want you goin somewhere without letting us know and ESPECIALLY not going out to DO anything unless you ask. Lol. I was like okay mom. I mean, would it really benefit me to get into that argument. Ha. Anyway. Its just stuff like that. Like what makes her think when I’m out on my own that I’m gonna still attend to her rules. I think she’s insane. Its just driving me crazy about this whole Andrew thing. Why can’t she just leave me alone? Yknow the smart thing to do here would be to back off and just observe how I’m dealing with this whole situation. Because, like it or not, I probably won’t change much if anything when I graduate, and THEN she won’t be there to even observe. She should see how I handle things without her interference because otherwise she’s gonna go crazy when I leave because she doesn’t trust me to actually be smart about things or something.. I don’t even know. I just feel like I’m gonna explode already and I havent even started seriously thinking about colleges. That’s when its REALLY gonna hit. Everythings just so overwhelming and she’s not helping a THING.
Anyway when I got off the phone with him my mom was like…so what did you find out? She keeps buggin me about his spirituality and stuff, which is really important to me, but she’s not gonna like give me an AGENDA to check off. That’s ridiculous. And she was like, I just don’t see how a long distance relationship can work that well. I was like…we’re NOT in a relationship. we're just two people who are trying to get to know each other. And she’s like…well I seem to remember you telling me you liked him. Omgsh. Yea I LIKE him but we’re not DATING. I told her I was like…you can’t just rush this and try to make it be something it’s not. (not that she WANTS it to be something) but she wants to go ahead and put a label on it so she can make formal rules about dating or something and since we aren’t technically dating, I guess that’s killin her that she can’t make more limits for me. I mean we already can’t talk except for MAYBE every other day for pretty much no longer than 30 minutes and he can’t call past 9. Where does she really think this is gonna get her? I’m gonna be gone in less than a year…does she REALLY think she can still hold onto me? I remember her telling me ..we were talking about Vanderbilt and how people can’t bring cars because there’s no parking on campus and I was like..well if I go there, I’ll HAVE to take my car because I wanna be able to go home instead of depending on my parents coming down and BRINGING me home. And she was like well even if you DO take your car, I don’t want you just goin everywhere. I expect you to do just like you do here and I don’t want you goin somewhere without letting us know and ESPECIALLY not going out to DO anything unless you ask. Lol. I was like okay mom. I mean, would it really benefit me to get into that argument. Ha. Anyway. Its just stuff like that. Like what makes her think when I’m out on my own that I’m gonna still attend to her rules. I think she’s insane. Its just driving me crazy about this whole Andrew thing. Why can’t she just leave me alone? Yknow the smart thing to do here would be to back off and just observe how I’m dealing with this whole situation. Because, like it or not, I probably won’t change much if anything when I graduate, and THEN she won’t be there to even observe. She should see how I handle things without her interference because otherwise she’s gonna go crazy when I leave because she doesn’t trust me to actually be smart about things or something.. I don’t even know. I just feel like I’m gonna explode already and I havent even started seriously thinking about colleges. That’s when its REALLY gonna hit. Everythings just so overwhelming and she’s not helping a THING.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
so far..
Well I’m gonna see how this goes and I’m pretty sure it’ll work out great since I love to write and to talk about myself. Ha. Andrew came over yesterday. It was actually a little bit disappointing because he had two games the night before because they had their jamboree and he didn’t get home till like 2 in the morning. And he had been planning to get here around 10 o clock but since he was so tired he didn’t end up waking UP till 10 so they got here around 1:30 and he had to leave at 4. So it sucked but at least we got to see each other. I mean maybe I’m crazy…I just…I don’t know what to think about this. My head is telling me that I’m being completely unrealistic but my heart is saying to hold on and be patient. I really like him, but I don’t feel like I know him well enough yet to decide whether I like HIM, or the idea of him. And I’m pretty sure it’s the first one, but I would really wanna kick myself if we started a relationship and I realized that it was really the last one. And I mean, I gotta give him a break since he was dead tired and beat up from two games. They lost both :( but anyway he said he wants to try to come down here next weekend and I reeeeally want him to because he’ll be able to bring his car and we can actually do something besides walk over to old towne and sit on a bench watching people drive by and stare because they have nothing better to do on Saturday afternoons. Anyway. And I hate my hair cut. I look like a freakin punk skater dude gone chick. Minus the tight pants, since they don’t work for my thighs. I was so mad because the girl just went in there and I told her I wanted bangs and she just goes to choppin. I’m like…HOLD up. But anyway we wont talk about that. At least my hair will grow. Agh I’m just …bleh. I’m kinda stuck in this never ending cycle of trying to get back to being consistent in my quiet times and stuff and each time I try, something comes up to distract me, and since that’s not very hard to do, I drop everything and completely forget about God. And I don’t want Andrew to be a distraction, but he is. …But I like him. So honestly I don’t even care. That’s what scares me…that I don’t even care. And we arent even DATING yet and I’ve already checked out as far as my walk with Christ. I need a drill sergeant. I’m terrible at being disciplined and just think about college! People always say that I’m so determined and dependable and responsible, but not when it comes to the important stuff. I’d rather sit on my butt and do what I THINK will make me happy, only to find out that I’m doing the exact opposite because in the process I turned my back on Him and I get stupid sometimes and forget that he’s the only source of happiness. I guess I just thought that I need to get this thing with me and Andrew kinda set up and then I could get back on track with God. But that’s not how its supposed to work and I know it, I’m just stubborn. Aosimdfoiasmf. I need some major motivation at this point.
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