blahbadeeblah.

I don’t know what’s goin on with me……
I’m letting too much stuff get to me that I know I shouldn’t make a big deal out of, its just…well I’m really bad about not letting things get to me and…yea.
Like…I know this is SUPER stupid, but I’m pretty sure Andrew comments people a good bit because he always has new comments from them in reply-style, and I guess that’s kinda stalker-ish of me to notice that, but I do and I can’t help it. Its just that there’s so much of a damper on every part of this “maybe relationship” that its really hard for me to see this going much of anywhere. He might as well be a thousand miles away. But anyway today I was drivin and that old song “for you I will” by teddy Geiger came on the radio and it just made me start thinking about all that tyler had said (that I had pretty much completely disregarded until that STUPID song) and idk…for a couple of moments Andrew seemed like a stupid idea to me. And that scares me. Do I like him?! Why WOULDN’T I like him? He’s pretty much everything I could want in a guy. I mean, with an exception of some minor things, ….agrghghathghghgh. See? Why am I confused? This is supposed to be a DUH situation. DUH DUH DUHHHH! What’s WRONG with me?! Lol no but seriously. What’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m just having some doubts because I haven’t seen him and now that he actually seems REAL to me since I DID actually get to see him last week, maybe now that he’s gone, its kinda hit me how hard this is gonna be. Maybe that’s it. But idk its just that when we’re on the phone…the past couple of conversations have been kinda…idk. Like there’s no spark. And I’m worried he’s feelin it too. And I mean, not like there’s no attraction or anything but its just like we’ve almost run out of stuff to talk about. And like I said, this is probably a minor glitch and due to the fact that we’re both tired and busy with school and he’s had football till like 7 everyday…but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel this way. I don’t know, I’m just ramblin and tryna make there be a problem that doesn’t even really EXIST…
I know if I could see him though, things would be okay. I need to hang out with him really bad but he probably won’t be able to come down here this weekend. In fact, it’s a pretty definite “no.” and then NEXT weekend, he can’t come down here bc my parents said we’re gonna try to put up that fence in the back. And THENNN the NEXT weekend, I have the FCS picnic, so it’d be pointless for him to come THAT weekend. Argh see this is already a MONTH’S time that we for sure won’t be able to see each other. I mean pretty soon he’s gonna get sick of this. And I’m ALREADY starting to have doubts so I mean…I just don’t know how I feel, and it shouldn’t be this hard to decide how I feel. Its just like a means to no ends though. Like we’re working toward something that can never be. Wow I’m making this sound dramatic lol. But it IS kinda dramatic in my head. Egh I’m stupid. But anyway I hope it gets better. I miss him. I want some assurance in my life. Why is that so FREAKING hard. Arugh.