so far..

Well I’m gonna see how this goes and I’m pretty sure it’ll work out great since I love to write and to talk about myself. Ha. Andrew came over yesterday. It was actually a little bit disappointing because he had two games the night before because they had their jamboree and he didn’t get home till like 2 in the morning. And he had been planning to get here around 10 o clock but since he was so tired he didn’t end up waking UP till 10 so they got here around 1:30 and he had to leave at 4. So it sucked but at least we got to see each other. I mean maybe I’m crazy…I just…I don’t know what to think about this. My head is telling me that I’m being completely unrealistic but my heart is saying to hold on and be patient. I really like him, but I don’t feel like I know him well enough yet to decide whether I like HIM, or the idea of him. And I’m pretty sure it’s the first one, but I would really wanna kick myself if we started a relationship and I realized that it was really the last one. And I mean, I gotta give him a break since he was dead tired and beat up from two games. They lost both :( but anyway he said he wants to try to come down here next weekend and I reeeeally want him to because he’ll be able to bring his car and we can actually do something besides walk over to old towne and sit on a bench watching people drive by and stare because they have nothing better to do on Saturday afternoons. Anyway. And I hate my hair cut. I look like a freakin punk skater dude gone chick. Minus the tight pants, since they don’t work for my thighs. I was so mad because the girl just went in there and I told her I wanted bangs and she just goes to choppin. I’m like…HOLD up. But anyway we wont talk about that. At least my hair will grow. Agh I’m just …bleh. I’m kinda stuck in this never ending cycle of trying to get back to being consistent in my quiet times and stuff and each time I try, something comes up to distract me, and since that’s not very hard to do, I drop everything and completely forget about God. And I don’t want Andrew to be a distraction, but he is. …But I like him. So honestly I don’t even care. That’s what scares me…that I don’t even care. And we arent even DATING yet and I’ve already checked out as far as my walk with Christ. I need a drill sergeant. I’m terrible at being disciplined and just think about college! People always say that I’m so determined and dependable and responsible, but not when it comes to the important stuff. I’d rather sit on my butt and do what I THINK will make me happy, only to find out that I’m doing the exact opposite because in the process I turned my back on Him and I get stupid sometimes and forget that he’s the only source of happiness. I guess I just thought that I need to get this thing with me and Andrew kinda set up and then I could get back on track with God. But that’s not how its supposed to work and I know it, I’m just stubborn. Aosimdfoiasmf. I need some major motivation at this point.